It just struck me today while doing my devotions, that there's something odd about what it means to be a woman.
Obviously, every woman has their own thoughts on that. But there are also obviously some prevailing thoughts. I wouldn't dare say that I know them all, or know what the most prevailing thoughts are. But as I read the devotion for the day from a Devotional for Women (that I got from my mom last spring and am only on page 5 of ....) that the prevailing implicit message that this book seems to give is that the average Christian mother is a stay at home mom. I won't say which of the 1000s of devotionals it is, but it was created in Ohio, and other books I've read in the last while that come from the States, that weigh in in some way on the topic of womanhood, and that are written by fundamentalist Christian women, sort of give that impression as well. Not that they necessarily say that's the norm, or ideal, but they give that general impression, implicitly. The Christian woman's area of priority is the home. I don't know if that's an "American" thing, but most of the books I get here are written by Americans, so that's what I have to read.
Now, I'm not going to make judgement calls either way. That's really not where my thoughts were tending. It was more towards the - "What does that do to us deep inside? How do those implicit messages affect me, my friends, other Christian women in our subconscious?". And then also - "Is this Biblical? If this message is affecting our hearts and subconscious, is this something we want, and should the feelings that this causes in many women be validated?"
I have friends who are stay at home moms. I have friends who work full time out of the home. I have been a stay at home mom and a fulltime working mom. And the various ranges of what can come in between that. And I have struggled with implicit and explicit messaging relating to woman's role, but within myself and in discussions with others. I don't claim to have any answers. And I don't think I ever will be done with that.
But. When the prevailing message from respected people seems to be "the ideal Christian woman stays at home to care for her family" that creates war, in hearts and mouths. People agree, disagree. And the subconscious questions - "Am I not a real woman if I don't match up?" And subconciouses cause some women to post articles they've read on either end of the topic, and cause others to speak defensively on their "side" or not speak at all, because they worry about the reaction of the person they're speaking to, or because if they say the words out loud they'll be committing to more than they want. As if they want to take a side when they don't. When I find myself in a discussion like this I pepper my words with a hundred caveats: "for myself", "for my family", "in my situation", "everyone's situation is different" ....
Of course every article written comes from some subjective background. And I have the feeling that the subjective background in the fundamentalist Christian American female writer is that they foremostly consider themselves "stay at home mothers". So that affects their writing style, and the implicit messages they're going to send, even though they may not have a "side" themselves.
So when those implicit messages feel overwhelming, and I start to consider whether I'm must not be a real woman, because my thoughts and concerns tend much less to home-bound issues and much more to work, community, international, cultural, other issues (I was going to add spiritual, but that would be completely wrong for me, because I very strongly feel they are all spiritual issues), I need some Bible to get back to. And right now two stick in my mind most deeply. Proverbs 31 and John 17.
Proverbs 31 - A wife of noble character who can find? This chapter has probably been overused on both ends of the spectrum. And many women cringe at any mention of this woman, because they feel they could never match up. But I love this one, because of the huge variation of woman that is allowed. Home-focused, community-focused, business-focused. And of course we can never do it all - she doesn't either - she's got a passel of servant girls she provides portions for. They work hard for her, and I don't think any of us have servant-girls. So we just provide a fair rate to those we require to work for us to make things run the way we need them too - a part time babysitter, a fulltime daycare provider, a cleaning lady, a factory where clothes and shoes get made, food cooking and packaging plants to make meal prep easier, schools to educate our children .... Or we do the ones we have prioritized for ourselves, and don't worry so much about stimulating the economy - home cooking, home schooling, home making .... All those things need to be done, and the Proverbs 31 woman didn't do it all herself either - she chose which ones she could do best herself and then made arrangements for the rest to be done by others in a fair manner.
John 17 - I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. That's Jesus speaking to his dad, so I'm sure my exegesis will have holes. I don't even know what "exegesis" means. But all of John 17 is about Jesus wanting us to have with God what he has with him, so that we will have the same love in us that Jesus has from God. So I don't think it's a stretch to say that verse 4 applies directly to me as well. We bring glory on earth to God by completing the work God gives us to do. Personally. Not the work God's given someone else to do. Who has God made me? Forget implicit messages from others. God has made me someone who doesn't get a huge thrill out of talking about cleaning and diapering and cooking. Not that I never do, or never did. And I don't regret having been the stay at home mom. I just didn't spend that much of it at home while I was, and my kids trucked along with me to volunteer positions and social activities. And even now that they're all in school (already for years and years) and I continually consider what it is that God is giving me to do, the kids and the husband and the home are a huge part of the picture but definitely not exclusively. God has made me the person he wants me to be, and in that gives me the tasks he wants me to do to glorify him. And that's what's supposed to be my goal in life.
So the implicit messages will always be there. But I will do my best to stand for what my Bible tells me, and not worry so much about those implicit messages, because they speak more about what God is telling the specific author is the way she should glorify him, and not so much how I should.
The explicit message is a whole other story. I can definitely learn a lot there from the thousands of fundamentalist Christian authors. And I can agree or disagree as I compare them to what the Bible says. And just keep learning and learning and learning, with a humble open mind.
